Celebrity Haiku

Cameron Diaz's photographer: "I thought they were real!"

Cameron Diaz's photographer testifies, "I thought they were real. They look real don't they?" We think they look real, too, but the judge was talking about her signature, man. The photographer forged (or as was his normal practice- had his assistant forge) Cameron Diaz's signature on the topless photos that he took of her when she was 19 years old. He's no longer allowed to distribute the photos, but some pervert spread them all over the internet! *gasp*

This case actually gave me a flashback to the good ol' days when 19 year olds tried to keep topless photos off the internet instead of starting their own website and becoming millionaires before they can legally drink.

career teetering
Los Angeles is lovely
nipples say hi mom

Technorati Tags: Cameron Diaz, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, Diaz, entertainment, Haiku, Photographer

Ewan McGregor risks life for your pleasure...

Ewan McGregor, the star of the new movie, The Island, says he'd rather risk his "worthless" life than put out a bad movie for us. On the set of The Island (tip: if you say "The Island" in a dark, ominous voice like Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget, then you might actually trick yourself into thinking the movie is worth seeing!), the actor did all of his own stunts as he shunned and falsified CGI ("computer-generated graphics") after having nightmare of his previous acting roles (Jar Jar Binks, we're looking your way).

nipple rub sans ice
downgrade from nat to scarlett
first step's a doozy

Technorati Tags: CGI, entertainment, Ewan Mcgregor, Film, island, Movies, Stunts

Katie Holmes fired from Batman sequel - I bet she wishes she agreed to the nudity...

will cruise dump me next
publicity stunt gone wrong
batman only once

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Katie Holmes has been dropped like a glass jar of ketchup in aisle 9 from the Batman Begins sequel. She has apparently "picked herself back up" according her mother, and will say yes next time a director mentions a possible nude scene.

Hey, if it works for Anne Hathaway, it can work for anyone!

Technorati Tags: Batman, Batman Begins, celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, entertainment, Film, Katie Holmes, Movies, Nude, sarcasm

Kevin Federline (Britney's Hub) is making a "hick-hop" album...

old school is played out
hick-hop is the new ghetto
nothing can stop it

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - The Fader reports that Kevin Federline is making an album, and I promise that if the phrase hick-hop does not catch on after this then there is no hope for this emerging genre of down home beats.

Technorati Tags: celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, celebs, entertainment, federline, Gossip, Haiku, hick-hop, kevin federline, Music, Music News, Pop Music, britney spears

Madonna - New album coming out that has an "honest" title...

top hats make me smart
fake english accents help too
IQ is skin deep

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - First it was a fake British accent (she grew up in DETROIT of all places), then it was the top hats, and now it's the new album title, "Confessions on the Dance Floor." Her psychiatrist (we have the same one) told me that she wasn't hugged enough as a child and is making up for it. Must be that tough love Detroit mum thing.

Maybe it's the fact that Demi Moore just took Madonna's old job as the Face of Versace

Technorati Tags: Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, confessions on the dance floor, demi moore, Fashion, Gossip, Haiku, Madonna, versace

Demi Moore... has just become a Versace model

breasts made of granite
forty years olds need the cash
someone send a script

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Demi Moore sells out like crab juice in downtown Manhattan (i.e., really fast and hard just like the Simpsons episode where Homer chose crab juice over mountain dew). Demi Moore is now a model for Versace. I'd like to see her fall back into her B-movie/soft porn roots, but hey, that's just me.

Technorati Tags: bmovie, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, demi, Fashion, Film, model, Movies, porn, demi moore, softporn, versace

Jessica Simpson - Botox for Dad

present for Daddy
give the gift that keeps giving
premium Botox

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Jessica Simpson slowly poisons her father by giving him Botox injections. The young slut starlet just, "wanted him to look his best," but the real message was that Daddy's best wasn't good enough. It wasn't good enough to her into the Mickey Mouse Club, it wasn't good enough to get her a better boyfriend than the schmuck in this picture, and it definitely wasn't good enough to get her into heaven seeing as her Christian buddies are miffed that they just now realized her entire career is based on dangling promiscuity in front of young, easily excitable little boys.

Technorati Tags: Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, Dad, Jessica Simpson, Nick Lachey, Pop Music, Christian

Keira Knightley - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

UK's best actress
or UK's hottest actress
ain't too proud to beg

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Ignore the innuendoes that the word "beg" brings to rise in that haiku because it's Keira begging for movie parts, not your love muffins. Ms. Knightley, who just voted either the hottest star in the UK or the best actress in the UK depending on how you choose to interpret this article (who writes for these places? me? come on guys, you get paid for this- at least steal someone else's article), had to beg for the part that she got in The Jacket. The begging for roles will most likely continue seeing as no one but Adrien Brody's mother saw the movie. Ms. Brody was quoted as saying, "I didn't want to see it. I lost a bet. Who knew Dustin Hoffman wasn't in Star Wars?!"

The actor's mother was later exposed as a fraud when a reporter realized that her entire quote comes from a scene in a later season of Seinfeld.

Someone tell me if this is correct logic:
+ IMDB lists her Keira as being born on March 26, 1985.
+ IMDB list The Hole, which features yummy Keira nudity, as being released in 2001.
= She was only 16 years old at most when this was filmed?

I'm so glad the hotness of that little equation is accepted in the rest of the world, and even happier that Amazon still sells it for cheap in America...

"The Hole" (Keira Knightley- naked at age 16)

Technorati Tags: actress, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, Film, Gossip, Hollywood, Keira, Keira Knightley, King Arthur, Knightly, Movies, UK, puppy

U2 - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

I need attention
everyone look at me please
donate to cronies

now with MUSIC DOWNLOAD (U2 audio bittorrent mp3) and music download #2 (U2 performing One and Unchained Melody )

Celebrity News - Live8 performers wowed the world with a show tonight on trampoline. The Hendersons were all there as Bono and friends put on a show on cable TV... in a largely naive event of western grandstanding for the absolute best of causes, hundreds of artists performed to raise money for Africa's largely ineffective, military dictatorships. Guests reported every band member "smoking the funny grass" that had all of them hallucinating and thinking that the money they raised would end up in the hands of the people.

If people gave 1 billion dollars to the US congress, how much of it would end up in the hands of the citizens? Yeah, none. How much do you think would go to African citizens? Logic sucks doesn't it?

Technorati Tags: 8, BitTorrent, Concert, Concerts, Download, Download Music, Live, Live 8, Live8, mp3, Music, U2, Torrent, U2

Shannon Elizabeth Divorce - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

don't stare at my butt
divorce is serious stuff
i lied i like it

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Shannon Elizabeth files for divorce from her Jon Lovitz stand in husband. In her statement, she confessed to really enjoying, "Long walks in the beach and the freedom and anonymity that comes with guys never making eye contact" with her.

Where is the innocent little school girl of American Pie? Stop making me feel OLD. You're my first divorced childhood celeb crush!

Technorati Tags: Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, Divorce, puppy, Shannon Elizabeth