Celebrity Haiku

Demi Moore... has just become a Versace model

breasts made of granite
forty years olds need the cash
someone send a script

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Demi Moore sells out like crab juice in downtown Manhattan (i.e., really fast and hard just like the Simpsons episode where Homer chose crab juice over mountain dew). Demi Moore is now a model for Versace. I'd like to see her fall back into her B-movie/soft porn roots, but hey, that's just me.

Technorati Tags: bmovie, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, demi, Fashion, Film, model, Movies, porn, demi moore, softporn, versace

Britney Spears to pose NUDE - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

fat naked pregnant
just about eight years too late
buy Vanity Fair

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Hearsay from Teen Magazines (why do we let kids read this anyway? and how do I get a subscription?) - Britney Spears will pose nude for Vanity Fair magazine. The downside is that she's pregnant and storing fat for hibernation glowingly curvaceous; the upside is that she'll still be naked.

The real downside though is that she'll probably do that childish "am I naked or am I not?" two-fingers-over-her-nipples crap. Why so illogically puritanical when you've already turned an entire generation of pre-pubescent girls into an army of sluts who think the female body is always for sale strong, chaste women with a non-existent a great body image!

ps. A note to Vanity Fair:

naked means nipple

Technorati Tags: Britney Spears, Britney Spears Nude, Vanity Fair, Vanity Fair

Eminem - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

Detroit needs saving
Slim Shady to the rescue
ninety years too late

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Eminem comes to save Detroit's fireworks show saying, "This is my city, and I think that we need to make sure it stays as wonderful as it was when I was growing up here in 8 mile. It ain't just a movie; it's my life." The actor's solicited suggestions from the crowd of how to improve Detroit other than just more fireworks (really how far can 80,000 sparkers and roman candles go?), but the most often heard suggestion from the crowd had to do with handing out toilet bowl cleaner to the remaining inmates citizens.

Technorati Tags: Detroit, Eminem, Urban Planning

Chandra North - Celebrity News

surfboard on my head
headline in some guy's weblog
degradation inc

Celebrity News - funniest blog of the week: Supermodel Personal Ads.

Just a cool link in general: There's a great new music download over on Music Cherry, the new Sleater Kinney single, Entertain!

Paris Hilton - (Nude) Celebrity News

(Paris is on the right)

do it for the kids
get naked for charity
don't eat hamburgers

(Nude) Celebrity News - Paris Hilton, Christina Aguilera, Kate Moss, and more pose naked for seedy millionaires who pretend to be interested in charity! Sadly, no nudity after the jump, but that's why we have Google!

Elton John apparently bid $460,000 for a Kate Moss picture, but he was outbid $12,000 in the end. Poor Christina's market value was only at $27,000. Piercings aren't hot in Europe apparently. :-/

ps. Far be it from anyone here to comment on the hotness of a teenager (unless of course that person were to use the '"despicable" argument that if you were a teenager when that person was a teenager, too, then it's ok...None of us have ever said that about Natalie Portman in The Specialist!), buuuuuut Paris Hilton as a teenager is about 1000x better than Paris Hilton as a hamburger shilling celebrity

Britney Spears (and her baby) - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

big mistakes were made

can you buy a miscarriage

not where i come from

Celebrity News and Gossip (telephone-style): Britney Spears throws support and first trimester weight behind RU486 in attempt to save her wardrobe.

Steve Martin - Celebrity News

working schmucks unite

and make more awards for me

I play banjo too

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip: Steve Martin to win award for being funny. The Actor/Writer/Comedian/and all-around funny guy later quipped, "I need an award for putting up with not having an award for all of this time!" No one laughed but Martin.

Britney Spears - (Ironic?) Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

From here:

To here (click to read what the shirt says) in three easy steps:

t-shirt made for laughs

t-shirt made for irony

my chest becomes jest

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip: Britney Spears accepts gift from snickering Bloc Party drummer. She says, "The gift really was thoughtful. Kindergarten was my favorite grade, and I haven't worn clothes in a while so it will be a nice change."

Tom Delay

what conspiracy

if i found one i'd join it

save me from myself

Celebrity Newsflash of the political gild: Tom Delay is obviously a horrible person, but there is no vast left wing conspiracy. Democrats should wait to kick Delay out of office until the 2006 midterm elections if they want to actually win some seats instead of just feel good about themselves at night.

Jerry Springer - Celebrity New, Celebrity Gossip

What's better than trash?

The marketplace of ideas

Broadcast to your car

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip: Jerry Springer jumpstarts American democracy with a new three-hour radio show every weekday. Expects to, "Make Republicans look stupid." When pressed on how he will do this the former talkshow host and fan of the band Radiohead said that he will point out, "Voting for tax cuts for the richest 2% of society just doesn't make sense... not to mention Plessy v. Ferguson's seperate but equal rule can't be ignored just because you don't like two guys kissing. Besides, who doesn't love to see girls kissing?!"