Celebrity Haiku

Cameron Diaz's photographer: "I thought they were real!"

Cameron Diaz's photographer testifies, "I thought they were real. They look real don't they?" We think they look real, too, but the judge was talking about her signature, man. The photographer forged (or as was his normal practice- had his assistant forge) Cameron Diaz's signature on the topless photos that he took of her when she was 19 years old. He's no longer allowed to distribute the photos, but some pervert spread them all over the internet! *gasp*

This case actually gave me a flashback to the good ol' days when 19 year olds tried to keep topless photos off the internet instead of starting their own website and becoming millionaires before they can legally drink.

career teetering
Los Angeles is lovely
nipples say hi mom

Technorati Tags: Cameron Diaz, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, Diaz, entertainment, Haiku, Photographer

Ewan McGregor risks life for your pleasure...

Ewan McGregor, the star of the new movie, The Island, says he'd rather risk his "worthless" life than put out a bad movie for us. On the set of The Island (tip: if you say "The Island" in a dark, ominous voice like Dr. Claw in Inspector Gadget, then you might actually trick yourself into thinking the movie is worth seeing!), the actor did all of his own stunts as he shunned and falsified CGI ("computer-generated graphics") after having nightmare of his previous acting roles (Jar Jar Binks, we're looking your way).

nipple rub sans ice
downgrade from nat to scarlett
first step's a doozy

Technorati Tags: CGI, entertainment, Ewan Mcgregor, Film, island, Movies, Stunts

Katie Holmes fired from Batman sequel - I bet she wishes she agreed to the nudity...

will cruise dump me next
publicity stunt gone wrong
batman only once

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Katie Holmes has been dropped like a glass jar of ketchup in aisle 9 from the Batman Begins sequel. She has apparently "picked herself back up" according her mother, and will say yes next time a director mentions a possible nude scene.

Hey, if it works for Anne Hathaway, it can work for anyone!

Technorati Tags: Batman, Batman Begins, celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, entertainment, Film, Katie Holmes, Movies, Nude, sarcasm

Demi Moore... has just become a Versace model

breasts made of granite
forty years olds need the cash
someone send a script

Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Demi Moore sells out like crab juice in downtown Manhattan (i.e., really fast and hard just like the Simpsons episode where Homer chose crab juice over mountain dew). Demi Moore is now a model for Versace. I'd like to see her fall back into her B-movie/soft porn roots, but hey, that's just me.

Technorati Tags: bmovie, Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, demi, Fashion, Film, model, Movies, porn, demi moore, softporn, versace

Anne Hathaway - Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip

old dirty lechers age 27 and up younger it's ok Celebrity News, Celebrity Gossip - Havoc (aka Anne Hathaway Gets Naked ) finally starts premiering around the world. "http://www.filmfest-muenchen.de/dc/ffm_EN/Filmabc/detail.asp?FilmID=2093" "Young boys reportedly are forming a candlelight vigil outside of the young actress's Brooklyn, NY apartment, while old men stock up on "dancing knickers" and shaving cream in attempt to ready themselves to woo the actress into their lairs." Those are the AP's words not mine.

Technorati Tags: anne hathaway, celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, entertainment, Film, hathaway, Movies, havoc

Christian Slater - Celebrity News

upper east side grab
what you get for living there
your butt slaps my hand

Celebrity News - Christian Slater appears in court for allegedly sexually assualting a woman in an Upper East Side grocery store after a drunken argument with his girlfriend about whether or not Pierce Brosnan or Sean Connery was a better Bond. Witnesses report that Slater argued his innocence by repeatedly exclaiming in a bad Jack Nicholson impersonation, "Hey, judge, it was her butt that slapped my hand!"

Tom Cruise Katie Holmes - Celebrity News (Everything that is wrong with the world)

spread herpes around
tempt virgins with lollipops
take your vitamins

Celebrity News (with a VIDEO)- Yes, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have been dating for a month now, which is just long enough for him to give her herpes, liquid generation to make a video of him luring her virginal, innocent body away from the candy shop, and for katie to recover from the herpes, but nothing is as scary as Tom Cruise going insane by admonishing people for being sad.

Apparently, he has a big problem with "mind-altering drugs" and thinks that if you're sad, you should take vitamins... at least that's what he told Brooke Shields when she used anti-deppressants for her post-partum depression.

BTW: Check out the "Celebrity Baby Blog" if you want to know about any celebrity news dealing with babies... I like it to read it when I need a reminder that social darwinism just doesn't work out how you want it to. Herbert Spencer weeps.

Technorati Tags: Celebrity, Celebrity Gossip, Celebrity Haiku, Celebrity News, Celebs, cruise, entertainment, Gossip, Herpes, holmes, Katie Holmes, Movies, Free Katie, Tom Cruise

Natalie Portman - Celebrity News

doing it for art
bald is better than naked
some careers need help

Celebrity News - Natalie Portman gets bald and rags on Anne Hathaway with a catty answer to a reporter's questioning her about getting bald but not naked. Portman was quoted as saying, "Some people's careers... Anne Hathaway *cough cough*... require nudity to give it a jumpstart  even if they say it's for the art, but some people are in Star Wars." Ouch, talk about outspoken social darwinism!